New politically correct terms

From an e-mail that I received yesterday:

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Subj: New Politically Correct terms

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, it should be noted that Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And Furthermore...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

He does not act like a 'TOTAL BUTT' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants -It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'