Redneck jokes

I got these from another site I visit. :-)

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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:

You think a stock tip is advice on wormin' your hogs.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

You think Possum is "The Other White Meat."

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.

You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

Your huntin' dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You and your dog use the same tree.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

Your family tree has no forks.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You use a NASCAR credit card.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

The tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"