Thursday, September 20, 2007

Funny money: $5 to get redesigned

It's like an episode of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", except it's for a dead president. The U.S. $5 bill is getting redesigned in order to make it harder to counterfeit.

Below is an image of the new bill. It is rather colorful, isn't it? Read the article linked above to see just how much the engravers go through in order to make the bill harder to counterfeit. Thing is, no doubt some counterfeiter will learn how to counterfeit even this new bill.

Even so, all the trouble that a counterfeiter goes through to make a counterfeit bill makes me wonder why he (or she) even bothers. Heck, any yutz or yahoo working at Wal-Mart makes 5 bucks in one hour with much less trouble than a counterfeiter goes through making the fake $5 bill. Maybe it's the challenge that drives them, I don't know. Or maybe they don't want to work at Wal-Mart.

But I would rather work at Wal-Mart and make my 5 bucks the right way, than to risk government goons breaking down my door and hauling me off to who-knows-where. And who knows what they'd do to you? My hyperactive imagination pictures being tied to a chair in a dark room with only a spotlight above, being worked over by sadistic government thugs as they pry you for info on who you're working for and how to find other counterfeiters.

Then they'd drag you over to some sort of examination room where a large woman with rubber gloves gives you a BCS (body cavity search), followed by a doctor who pumps you full of truth serum so that you'll be singing like a canary by lunchtime. Then after that is another session by the goon squad in the interrogation room. After you spill the beans, then you'll be hauled off to some federal prison where you'll live out the rest of your life as someone's girlfriend.

Yep, working at Wal-Mart for your 5 bucks is looking a lot better now, isn't it?

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